19 before 19

Photo taken at Higher Ground - where I ate with my family for my most recent birthday

I just watched Jenn Im's 30 before 30 and yes, I mention Jenn Im once again. Honestly I don't know what you're doing if you haven't watched any of her videos at this point - she has been a big source of me slowing down, meditating, reflecting and ultimately aiding me in my self growth and development. 

At the start of the year, she wrote a little bucket list - 30 things before her 30th birthday and although I'm not *that* old (yet!), I wanted to do something of this kind. I already have some goals that I outlined in this blog post so there'll be some repeats but, there'll also be some more personal things I guess you can say.

1. Making Jewellery

(outlined in my previous blog post)

2. Learn Coding

(outlined in my previous blog post)

3. Invest

(outlined in my previous blog post)

4. Learn Korean 

(outlined in my previous blog post)

5. Keep Up My Daily Habits

I posted a Youtube video last week that you can watch here where I just went through my day and showed the daily habits that I've adopted this year: reading, meditating, morning pages, practise my French and (although it wasn't shown) my drum practise. I've seen what a difference doing these small tasks every day has made in my life and I want to continue doing that. 

6. Read More! 

I used to be a massive reader and I wrote blog posts as well about the books I read in that past month. But these past two years since I begun VCE my reading has slowed down significantly and at times stopped all together. I know my studies isn't an excuse and if anything I should be reading more, sadly that hasn't been the case and I want to be reading enough to do those blog posts again. I'm slowly getting back into reading and I take a little bit of time everyday to read but I am nowhere reading enough to do those blog posts. 

7. Be Creative

Last night I just finished my paint by numbers painting and I remembered how much I enjoy doing art (even though I'm not very good at it). At the time of writing this, I will be posting my vlog on my hectic SAC week soon and I had my media folio due! It was tiring, I was exhausted but regardless, the end product and the sense of achievement, self expression and passion was worth it. I have an idea in relation to a new photography project that I have yet to start and once my exams are over, I am definitely going to pursue that. To achieve this goal, I don't really have anything specific in mind but to just do anything that can be considered creative: embroidery, painting, colouring, photography, writing, all the mediums and forms of self expression!

8. Get a Job

This might be a bit weird because I already have a job - and despite the declining employment growth in my state following the pandemic, I would really like to find a second job. I love my current job and I'm definitely not leaving it, I just want to do something different, meet new people, and learn and develop new skills.

9. Declutter 

I had already done a pretty decent job at decluttering my room at the beginning of the pandemic in March but there's always more I can do. I want to move towards a more minimalist life and there are definitely some more things that I can part with and give it a better home. 

10. Make a Difference 

I think I'm already doing a pretty decent job at making a difference in our world - not trying to come off as cocky but I volunteer outside and inside school, I've become pescatarian to reduce my carbon footprint, I sign petitions for causes I'm passionate about and I try to speak up in my every day life for issues that I am passionate about. But I don't feel like it's enough, there can always be more done. Particularly in the climate change sphere, I want to do more and take more action to advocate for corporations and governments to adopt more environmentally friendly practises and policies, and make those differences. 

11. Increase Productivity 

Don't take this the wrong way, I'm not going to spend more time on work or take up more... I want to be more productive in a sustainable way. I want to be better at planning my weeks and my days so that I am able to finish all the work and still have time for myself. It is during those times that I find I am my most productive and my mental health is at its peak.

12. Exercise More 

I am not good at exercising at all. I loathe working out but since the pandemic where I haven't been able to do sport at school, go swimming or dance (yea I do it at home but it's not the same). I have found that I really enjoy going on walks and that I lost a lot of my flexibility. Hence, before I turn 19 I want to be able to touch my toes and do the splits again as well as incorporating other activities like walking and learning dances in my own time.

13. Explore 

Travelling is one of the things that makes my heart soar. However, due to the pandemic that's not entirely possible. And I have lived in Melbourne for majority of my life yet I feel like I know nothing about it. As the restrictions ease I want to explore more of my own home; the streets that give the city its character, the people that bring life into it and just explore and learn about cool places. Before I turn 19 given that the restrictions ease I want to visit new places and avoid going to the same restaurants when I eat out. 

14. Learn a New Skill

Not sure yet what exactly this skill will be... knitting possibly? Google also has this thing where you can learn new skills and even get certified for what you've done so I might try those things out too. 

15. Cook New Recipes 

I made a blog post when I became pescatarian which I'll link here and I have been for the most part successful. However I really only make the same thing every week - my favourite pesto pasta and whilst I really do enjoy it and don't foresee me getting tired of it in the near or distant future, I just want to expand and try new things. To be honest I've been in a bit of a cooking slump these past few weeks - probably from being at home and not being able to go out and try new dishes and cuisines but watching oh no nina, Jenn Im and Michelle Choi, I've become inspired to try cook some Korean recipes. All I need is that extra push to actually cook it.  

16. Boundaries 

I've come to realise in the past few weeks that I have not established or enforced any boundaries in my relationships. And that is not okay. I am always too busy worrying about what others think of me and needing to be everything to everyone. That is not sustainable for myself and for my relationships. I've taken the first step in acknowledging the problem so I just need to take the next steps in reflecting on what exactly my boundaries are and enforcing them in my relationships if I find myself going back to my self destructive behaviours. 

17. Deeper Relationships 

I don't exactly know how to word this. I have the vision in my head - and what I see is me investing time and effort into relationships that bring me joy and fulfilment so that we can develop a more deeper and meaningful connection. I don't have anyone particular in mind, this is just something that I want to prioritise as I leave high school and go to university. And a part of that is being able to let go of people who do not serve a purpose in my life, make me unhappy and/or do not put effort into the relationship. I am overly committed to shows where no matter how bad it is I will persevere and finish it, and I found that I do this in relationships too. Despite having a gut feeling of wanting to end it, I am never able to. Even in some of my friendships that recently ended - it was them who cut the ties even though I had wanted to end it not even weeks, but months ago. And holding on just isn't worth it. It's the perfect breeding ground for more hurt and that is something that I have learnt and want to change moving forward. 

18. Learn and Grow 

There isn't anything specific I have in mind for this goal. I know that's inefficient goal setting but I don't think that we need to have all the answers straight away. Particularly as I ended those friendships recently, started meditation and done a lot more self reflection, I have learnt a lot about myself which has allowed me to slowly reverse my toxic and self destructive behaviours and ultimately help me learn and grow into a better person. By the time I'm 19 I want to be able to look back and see my growth, and feel different in the sense that I'm lighter, happier and am making a more positive impact on others' lives. 

19. Self Acceptance 

I have quite a negative perception of myself I would say. I label myself by other people's words and opinions of me, percentages, scores and my mistakes. And sadly, there's no hard and fast way to self acceptance, and you're never 100% either. However, through self reflection and growth I want to become more self accepting. In my 5 minute journal there's a daily affirmations section where you fill in the blank "I am ____". These past few weeks that blank has been replaced with "not totally a bad person", "okay", "not an asshole" and in becoming more self accepting, I want to see those blanks change to more positive attributes. While yes, "not totally a bad person" and "not an asshole" aren't necessarily negative, they're not very positive either.