Older Sister Talks - high school regrets

Other than the fact that I am a literal older sister, in many of my friendship groups I've been told that I'm the motherly figure of the group. Particularly with one of my life-long friends this 'label' is a bit more prominent where I am quite literally her older sister - I am older than her and I tell her about my experiences so that she doesn't make the same mistakes as I did. Hence, I've decided to call this series (?) Older Sister Talks where I beg you not to make the same mistakes as me. 

I'm nearing the end of my high school journey. As of today, there's approximately 3 weeks left of classes left and almost 2 months until I'm done with my exams and high school full stop. During this journey, I have done some not-so-good things, experienced some crap and have a few regrets. Over these past few weeks especially I have found myself telling younger year levels what I regret, for them to not make the same mistakes as I did - if you're reading this and are in high school, please do take on this advice, I don't want you to end up like me. 

Sign up to EVERYTHING

I sign up to almost everything at school - music groups, clubs, events, competitions... you name it, I'm probably already there. But there are still a few events that I didn't sign up to and I now regret it. I honestly have no idea why I never signed up to events like our school's annual Holi festival or Relay For Life - homework? I can't remember. When I was younger, I had this mentality that I could always do it next year. And if COVID has taught us anything, it's that there isn't always going to be a next year let alone a next time. If you want to do something, do it now - don't care about what anyone thinks because to be quite frank, everyone is too busy worrying about themselves and how others perceive them. I have met so many people and made so many memories through signing up to activities and clubs that there really is no downside. 

Don't care about what other people think of you 

I admit that I am a big people pleaser. Even though in the wider scope people don't care if I get lower than an A on an assignment, if I didn't lose any weight, or if my handwriting is big, I've come to realise that there were such unnecessary heavy weights that I put on myself which I tried to uphold in order to please these people. It's honestly so stupid and I'm so mad at myself for trying to turn myself into something else just to get others' approval when it literally does not matter. In reality, it makes no difference to the other person if I get less than an A on an assignment, if I don't lose weight or if my handwriting is big. These small things that do not impact anyone but myself shouldn't have been given much thought. I should've just shrugged it off but I didn't. And I was robbed of Joy, became really unhappy trying to live up to other people's unnecessary expectations of me. 

Have some self-respect

Oh high school. When you look at the media's over-exaggerated portrayal of high school, no matter how over the top and ridiculous it is, you cannot deny that there is an element of truth in it. Your boundaries can become non-existent whether to please others, out of fear for being viewed in a negative light or because of what people have said. And I'm here to tell you that like I said, do not care so much about what other people think. Do establish those boundaries and do not be afraid to enforce them. 

I saw something on Instagram that said 'Anything that costs your mental health is too expensive. Look elsewhere.' Do not try to be everything to everyone if it is too emotionally, mentally and physically taxing for you. Do not be afraid to enforce your boundaries even if people call you an asshole for doing so. And most importantly, do not be afraid to do things for yourself. I feel like this has been a recent shift but our society has conditioned us to be so selfless and forward moving to the point where it's self-destructive and doing things such as self-care and looking after yourself to a certain extent is deemed selfish. It isn't. It's self-respect. It's quite funny and ironic too because you cannot look after others if you cannot look after yourself. A doctor is basically useless if they're ill/injured and can't do their job. And as a flow on effect, you'll truly see once you respect yourself, if others respect you too. 

Let go of what doesn't serve you

And yet here we are again, talking about her friendships that ended. I apologise to everyone who is sick and tired of hearing about this event, particularly my best friends reading this but I have truly learnt so much from this experience and I want to record and remember everything. 

It feels a bit weird talking about this because I haven't spoken about this to anyone... but who cares. Here's to not caring about what other people think because I'm writing this for myself. Reflecting on the entire friendship, I should've left earlier. I had realised long ago that these friendships were toxic for us, didn't serve us anymore and I had a gut feeling that I wanted to end one of them since December. But I didn't. It's a big of a double edge sword because either way the ending would be crap. We've already seen what happens when you don't leave. On the other hand, if I did leave earlier, I would've made their worst nightmare become a reality and there's so many memories that wouldn't have been made. 

And whilst the ending is sad, it's ultimately short-term pain for long-term gain. You cannot hold onto what doesn't serve you anymore. As Maggie says in Cat On A Hot Tin Roof "It grows and festers in silence... It becomes malignant." As much as it hurts, sometimes people's paths diverge as they grow and become different people with different needs... and sometimes they just don't satisfy them anymore and vice versa. And that's okay. 

It is more toxic and damaging to hold on than to let go - don't waste or compromise your energy, your mental health, your happiness or your time to things or people that don't bring Joy or meaning to your life.

Written on: 11/10/20